29 !!~

HaPpy burfDay To me! :'(

happy kah aku?
sedey kah?
don't what to feel..
don't know what to do..
munchkin ..where r u...


[tq for everything (-_-')]

the worst day after 9 years...

from now on untill i recover...(again? which used to take 8 years before) u'll read my crappy mind translated in words..

The theme was "emotional dysfunction".. majoring in "broken hearted days before my birthday".. a perfect gift for an old lady like me huh? hahaha

earlier today i meant to write about something else.. but before i could actually write it, i get a major nerves breakdown due to my silliness... my intention to improve the relation that i'm into.. the gut i get of being honest and straight to the point was misunderstood i guess.. the good part was drown by the bad thing i did to get the prove... haha..and the other side was never want to sit back and discuss it over..

dear.. didn't i'm the one who supposed to get upset more than u do? why did u make this looks like i'm guiltier than u? ...

to be continue... the hand was too shaky to write...have to wipe out the bleed on my heart first i guess...huh..

wo ai ta.. sangat!
sangat upset!

-bLanK-

SerabooT? just like me! haha
straight from camera.. too misearable to edit this!

Rendu...
to whom?
or to what?
can't tell!
not yet to be told!

miss the old days...
what about nowadays?
changed?
don't know!
seem like it!

Rendu lagi..
is it mutual?
wasn't it?
erk... it is dulu!
but now.. didn't know!



(-_-')
guo nian. xian sheng.

Monday BLueS..!!!~

aku sangat malas mau kerja esok...

seriously i'm not in the mood to start working after about 2 weeks hanging around doing nothing..
2 weeks of holiday should be enough for me to refresh myself... but i never did..
true .. i'm not doing my official job..i'm resting from working... but my mind didn't...
it seem like my mind won't let my brain from taking the holiday...
i've been doing lots of thinking recently.. don't ask me what did i think about..
i didn't know how to answer that!!~
maybe i need a proper vacation where i spent my time alone peacefully in an island maybe?? haha


i'm counting days for the next school break...mwakakkaka..

My BuddieS anD I..!!~
-={LurvE Ya...}=-

Dedicated To.. [You Know who You aRE..!!~]

wake up and Figure out something..
don't let thing hanging just like that..
stop playing around.. you're not a teenager anymore..
you may not realized that someone is hurt because of u..
don't act like nothing goes wrong..
that's not good dear..
don't simply take everything as easy as ur abnormal life..
wake up and be normal...
people smiling at u doesn't meant they like u...
people laughing with u doesn't meant that they're laughing inside too..
they just wanna you to be happy..
don't just think of ur own self...
think of other people too..
wake up and try to change...!!~


p/s: May all The HappineSS be WiTh You...

BenChinTa bY FaizaL Tahir !!~

Out of no where aku teringat kan lagu ni.. yes.. memang aku tengah saket skang ni (i never confess..and never admit this before..).. and this song is something to desribe me right now..i guess... wakakaka sangat tidak boley blah punya statement....mwhahahaha


Benarkan ku 'tuk berbicara...
Bicara terus ke hati mu.. Hati mu..
Hati yang penuh rasa ragu
Jangan terus pergi
Tanpa mendengar ku
Mungkin mudah
Untuk kau terus berlalu
Nanti dulu
Berikanlah waktu
Untuk aku, untuk kamu

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Lidah kelu sedangkan aku
Mahu kau tahu
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Ke tepi lihat ku berlalu
Pasti itu yang terbaik untuk ku
Tiada lagi mahu ku tahu
Tentang hidup kamu
Tentang mati kamu
Aku tahu
Engkau tahu apa yang mata ku tahu
Apa yang kau tunggu
Mahu aku buka pintu?

Ingatkah lagi waktu kau bersama ku
Kaku aku melihat mu
Sedang aku mahu kau tahu
Dengar kata ku
Aku cinta pada mu
Benci pada mu
Cinta pada mu

Sakitnya aku
Membenci kamu
Sakit lagi mencintai mu
Dan aku pergi
Tapi kembali
Benci aku mencintai diri mu
Ku benci... Kamu
Ku cinta... Kamu



p/s:
wish all of these is just a dream...
hoping that i'll be back being myself.. (being free and happy)
wish that i can smile again.. even when i'm alone in my room... (missed that moment.. )
if only i could wake up in the morning realising that it was JuLy lasT year... (promised i won't messed up again... )

all apologies goes to anyone that had been hurt..or about to be hurt...
bare in mind...i'm hurting too.. huh..


haha sangat emo...!!~ x bley blah (^_*)

oLD BuddY Vs FLicKR BuddY..!!!~

today was quite stressful to me..
though it is the last day of school before a 2 weeks holiday..

early in the morn my GPK ask me to write a report on a bowling tournament.. (a job that supposed to be done a month ago u ask me to do it on my last day working??? ... u're sucks dude..)

then after the 'before holiday meeting' the PE chief with his bestest smile and sweet spoken ask me to help him to settle up some data entry that had to be hand over on May 30th ...which mean tomorrow?? huh... dream off ... i told him that i'm going back to muar this evening and i won't be back untill next monday (june 8th i meant)... i tought i'll be escaped from that assignment.. hell not.. damn.. he ask the GPK KOKO permission to send it next week...huh... it's not like i'm trying not to do my job over here.. but it's really not my job.. not even supposed to be my business either... i'm not one of the 'panitia PJ' members...he just lurve to use my weakness (yes i hardly refuse to accept any job given) to escape from doing all the data entry..cet... the result?? i need to bring that bunch of 'data mentah' everywhere i go now!!~

i thought i could live my holiday peacefully ..without any job..assignment... etc.. but i was wrong.. besides those PE assignment.. i need to teach a science class for standard 6 students on june 8th.. then i need to prepare a programme book for a DUN programme.... adoi hai...

i could never have a peaceful holiday...uwaaaaa :'(

p/s:
who said being a teacher is enjoyable?? have lots of holidays?? working half day only?? (yes the officially working hour is between 7.00 am to 1.10 pm but the work u have to bring home is like working 24 hours a day dude...!!!~ even in sleep u'll be thinking the job that haven't finished yet..huhu) + we works on Saturday too!!~


owh.. off topic lah pulak..
back to the original topic..

every flickr members know i lurve outdoor outing.. everyone knows i'm going to genting this june 20th with the Butik Tee member for a day outing.. i even confirm my attendance...
but today.. with all the guts i get.. i'm telling everybody that i can't make it.. why??

i recieved an sms this evening asking me either i'll be on my friend wedding.. (i should say my bff i think..erm..being bestfriends since industrial training at the zoo).. it was from anep.. cut it short... i'll retype the sms...

anep : siga saga! siga saga!

me : oi! oi! oi! (common respond for siga saga!...hehe)

anep : ko pe x chee kawen bln dpan?

me : Bulan depan eh? june? brapa hb?

anep : 20 jun kot.. gua jd pengapit doh..

me : 20 june??? alemak.. aku ade program lah... ade outing kt genting.. da 2 bln nyer plan...

anep : xde xde ... chee kawen babe.. chee tau...!!!~

me : -no reply- thinking... and more thinking.....

then i send a sms to chee
me : chee... ko nikah 20 june ke babes?

chee : -lambat reply-


i can't wait for his reply.. so i called
me : uit babes ko nyer wedding 20 june ke?

chee : haah.. nikah 20 .. sanding 21.. mox smua trun tau..

me : tau.. dia bgtau jd pengapit.. ko ni.. aritu aku tanya ko xmo bgtau date.. aku da ade programme tu 20 jun tu.. ade outing kt genting.. da 2 bln plan babes..

chee : ngan family ke?

me : no lah.. ngan member2 flickr.. photography...

chee : ye lah boy..aku ingat nak buat surprised... x tau lah pulak skarang member busy dgn photography...ye lah ... kawan2 baru lebey penting dr kawan2 lama.. (damn.. dia suddah buka ayat merajuks..huhu) u choose new friend over old friend...

me : -take a deep breath- adoi hai.. dah dah diam.. ok aku pergi.. diorang overnite ke babes? ada place utk overnite x? jauh tu nk berulang..

chee : umah aku for my family .. but i've prepare place utk kawan2... mcm tu lah boy.. hehe

me : oklah aku overnite gak... adoi.. kna gak aku g kl beli jiwa kawan2 time cuti ni..huh.. abis lah
aku kena kutuk..akeke..k lah.. aku g.. chiow..

chee : ok.


then i get back to anep
me : ok aku trun...

anep : cara..cara..

it's a tough decission to make when u have to choose between friends... but this time i've chose old buddy over Flickr buddy.. i'm sorry guys (eshazli especially)... me and them ..we'd been friends since 2002.. and as mike said.. "xpe lah.. outing hari2 kawen skali je" huhu...


p/s: to all my friends.. lurve u guys...
for me once a friend forever a friend... unless u hated me so much and didn't wanna be my friends anymore...huhu

Teringat zaman dolu-dolu with them....
Palm CiveT post mortem... my Fave acTivities...

Penguin Post Mortem
Me and rest of the cLan... (so unbalanced.. who took this pic ya??)

SimPLe QuEsTioN .. ComPLicaTeD anSweR!!~

kelmarin aku dapat satu soalan nih via phone...tengah sembang2 tetiba dia kata "sayang kita tak?" aku ingat aku salah dengar...3-4 kali gak aku tanya "ha..! apa?" sampai dia ulang perlahan2...aku cuma mampu kata "alamak...! susah nyer nak jawab"...last2 dia kata "senang je nak jawab..ye atau x..kalau saya..kalau sy suka sy ckp ye kalau x ckp x lah.."..aku x mampu cakap apa2 lagi...jenuh jugak lah aku putar belit alam...mcm nak migrain aku menepis di sana sini... masalah nyer bru je knal..tu pun via phne.. jumpa pn x ..stakat mms pic je..

gila btol r dia tu.. x knal aku sudah bg soalan yg sukar di jawab...kalau sudah knal mau dia cabut x cukup tanah..hahah...sian dia.. org yg knal lama dgn aku pun blum ade yg brani bg soalan mcm tuh..hahah..tapi apa pun aku tetap appreciate friendship yg dia hulur kan... kalau kami da knal lama mungkin akan ku consider juga menjawab soalan tu..tp skarang ni mungkin emosi aku dalam keadaan kucar kacir.. dan dalam usaha membaik pulih sistem kekebalan nye seperti 7-8 thn dulu.. skarang ni dinding besi liver aku tu dah karat.. hampir2 bocor bila feso4 memenuhi setiap ruang...tapi nasib baek r bila aku mula nak lupa diri..ade smangat yg tarik aku kembali ke alam nyata..muakakaka..memalukan sungguh!!~ hilang rock aku..hilang ego aku..mcm mana ntah aku leh terlalai sekejap...malu sunggu aku dgn diri aku..apa lg dgn "subjek" yg berjaya menghakis besi2 tu.. gila ah..serius beb malu giler... sbb tu i'm trying to hold back...tp...kdg2 terlepas jugak.. aku pun insan biasa gak..

silap aku gak...mata kadang2 tersalah lihat... telinga kdg2 tersalah mendengar... mulut kdg2 tersalah bicara...hati kadang2 tersalah duga...otak kdg2 tersalah tafsir...apa lah nak jadi ye....bodoh lg hina sungguh rasanya...





-aku cuba menjadi aku yg dulu....!!!-
.........mampukah aku???!!~............

9.03pm/jun 26th 08/my heavenly room!!~