jatuh terduduk terjerumus kedalam sebuah lubang yang gelap dan penuh duri... berterbangan kepingan2 kaca hancur berderai tanpa dapat dikutip lagi.. berguguran manik-manik jernih mencucuri dan meratapi... tertikam buluh runcing yang memecahkan kapilari-kapilari tanpa darah... tersandar menunduk terfikir, mencari kesilapan, kelalaian dan kealpaan diri.. kaku..kelu..bisu.. tanpa tau apa perasaan yang menggelumang sambil menahan kesakitan itu tadi...
the books are here... i ordered these online from pts' bookcafe last week.. and it's here... supposed to be at my front door on tuesday but i can only pick it up on thursday.. a little bit late from my other package to the other person.. but it's ok as long as it's here...
looking forward to finish reading those!
p/s: sorry x dapat sampul buku u... u have to wrap it up urself dear! and happy burfday in advanced!!~ (xpe kan bg 3 bulan awal? wakakaka)
archieve ym aku gone! meriah kan?? ade 8-9 im jer... sgt daym lh... ilang dah memory aku..huhu **grief**-
aku sangat sedey!
sebab kn aku ni short term memory loss aku sangat memerlukan archieve msg n saved sms....tp da takdir... aku saved.. bila paste kt folder...?? daymnnn tggal skit... aritu satu folder sms kt hp aku ilang....ni archieve ym lk... sangat x bley nk trima!
kawan aku kata ...
"sabar2 yana.... mak aku selalu pesan yang mende kita kalau ilang, tu maknanya kita akan hilang mende yang lebih bermakna... so ia jadi peringatan agar kita terus berhati2 sblm mende yang lebih penting ilang sis.."
"kdg2 apa yang kau simpan utk mengingatkan kau kpd perkara2 yang tak best sebenarnya jadi macam satu kanser yang akan terus merebak...."...
aku kata ...
"aku x ready utk kehilangan bnda penting tu.. dan proses kemoterapi sangat saket ...ok!"
aku akan cuba mengadaptasi keadaan...!!~
"Rabbi Yassir wa la tu'assir. Rabbi tamim bil khair" ... -O Allah, make it easy, and do not make it difficult. O Allah, make it end well-
Life is a precious gift... u're my precious gift sent but won't stay.... (-_-')
grief....
"Rabbi Yassir wa la tu'assir. Rabbi tamim bil khair" ... -O Allah, make it easy, and do not make it difficult. O Allah, make it end well-
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau aku tersungkur lagi..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau aku tak mampu berpura2..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau aku terpaksa berlakon demi menjaga kehormatan nya..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau lakonan ku di salah erti..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau aku di tuduh bersetongkol..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau dia tidak mempercayai ku lagi..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau dia menjauhkan diri..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau dia meminta ku utk tidak mencari nya lagi..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau aku terjatuh dan terduduk di saat aku perlukan segala penguat semangat yang ada untuk kembali pulih..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau aku menangis lagi..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau aku musnah kembali..
terima kaseh kepada keikhlasan dan ketulusan hati kerana engkau hati ku mati..!!~
kerana ikhlas dan tulus nya hati ku kini aku kembali saket....sangat saket!
telah ku cuba seikhlas mungkin menerima nya.. setulus mungkin kepadanya namun aku tetap terluka.... telah ku cuba menutup cela nya.. tapi aku di tuduh bersetongkol... aku keliru... aku jatuh lagi setelah di bangkitkan oleh nya... kini aku tidak mungkin bisa bangkit lagi... biarlah hatiku mati di sini... mati bersama chenta yang pernah singgah membahagiakan diri ini...
that's been written on the letter i accepted from the office...
with a smile on my face.. i announced proudly "jyyeaaHHh dah sah jawatan...da bley lawan boss" wakakakkaka...
my colleague continue. " dakwat dAh kering weh.." ...
meaning there's no need to put my face down when facing boss..huhu.. i can speak out loud now.. i can speak up my opinion,... i can further my study.. and i can....... being transfered!.. huh daymn!
start my day with something that wasn't supposed to be happen.... then berturusan dan berjangkit-jangkitan sehari-harian... i'm not happy..
aku menyusahkan banyak org arini...
aku buat orang kelam kabut..
aku buat my family bengang..
aku penyebab semua plan bertukar dan brubah..
aku sangat sedey...
aku sangat tidak enjoy trip ke indonesia kali ni..
aku nekad utk mendiamkan diri.. tp aku end up acting normal.. pada hal dalam hati aku sangat tidak tenteram.. sangat celaru.. sangat tidak tau nak rasa apa... am i supposed to be sad atas kegembiraan orang lain... atau am i supposed to act happy atas kesediahan hati aku?
satu hari ni.. hati rasa macam di genggan dengan kuat... sangat sesak dan sangat memeritkan...
daymn aku sangat sedey... serius ni sangat sangat pedih rasa nya,... kalau bley nangis lama dah aku nangi.. akekekek...
after bali ... mersing.. KL... now i'm off to Klantan and trengganu .... hahaha
with couple of rm50 notes i'm off for another trip.. but this time.. shopping is out of my list lor..
couple of rm50 notes aren't enough for me to do shopping..huk..
the worse part is..... i'm officially broke.. daymNN... where the heck can i get instant cash for bandung/jakarta trip...?? can't ask my mom for 'buat ada-ada' money this time.. coz mom herself will be joining the trip and so do my 2 youngest bro n sis... which officially meant that... "you're on ur own Yana HarmiLa!!~" daYmMNnnnnn again...!!~
i already counting my coins .. and still figure out where the heck i'm gonna trade this coins into rm notes.. at least there will be another 2 extra rm50 notes in my wallet..huhu
pathetic isn't it...??
but i don't care... i wanna go jalan-jalan puas-puas tahun ni.. don't know why.. but i think i can smell next year will be a difficult year for me... huh...
LIRIK: (Rap) Kau katakan cinta gunakan akal Bila aku gunakan, kau yang menyangkal Bagaimana nak kekal Kau katakan cinta gunakan minda Bila aku gunakan, kau yang tak percaya Bagaimana nak bahagia
Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku) Kaulah derita (bagimu) Esok lusamu Tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
(Rap) Dan aku cuba sedaya upaya Telah ku usaha dengan sepenuh jiwa Bagaimana hendak ku lupa bayangan wajahmu selalu di depan mata harum baumu masih dapat ku hidu Bagaimana ingin aku membencimu Jikalau setiap hari merindu Sekiranya derita merinduimu itu sebenarnya bahagia.. Aku pilih derita..
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku) Kaulah derita (bagimu) Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
Mungkinkah esok atau lusa walau biarpun lama Akan ku biar tiada ku tetap kan setia Entah bila akan tiba sampai jua harimu yang sama Esok seperti semalaman yang tak berubah
(Ulang) (2x) Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula Kaulah tanda tanya.. kau tiada titik noktah Ku dibuai mimpi lena dikejut igau semula
(Rap) Seandainya kau berada di depan mata Mudah untuk aku berkata-kata Supaya dapatku melihat seraut wajahmu Walaupun belum tentu kau mahu bertemu Apalagi memandangku Setelah ku turutkan segala kemahuan kau mainkan perasaan Begitu mudah kau ucapkan terimalah saja kenyataan.. Aku masih terkilan
Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku) Kaulah derita (bagimu) Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa Kaulah bahagia (bagiku) Kaulah derita (bagimu) Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
(Rap) Jika kau dapat memahami hati seorang perindu Baru kau tahu derita hatiku Jika suatu hari nanti giliran kau merindu Baru kau ingat derita diriku Segala yang berlaku bukan kemahuanku Apa gunanya bahgia Jikalau bahagia bersamamu hanyalah untuk sementara waktu Aku pilih derita merinduimu
Maafmu tak bererti, kau mudah sesali Berulang kali telah kau mungkiri Manis mulut berjanji terpedaya lagi Menanti biar terus didustai
Kaulah bahagia (bagiku) Kaulah derita (bagimu) Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa Kaulah bahagia (bagiku) Kaulah derita (bagimu) Esok lusamu, tak ku kenal lagi engkau siapa
This is a story from not long ago about a boy and a girl who fell in love like whoa but there was a problem I didn't count on the fact I was a Canon and she was a Nikon
The photo community was too far gone they couldnt appreciate what we had goin' on we had similar features, made similar pictures we really weren't that different but they still couldn't see
I auto focused on her sexy body buttons to push didn't know where to get started I never thought I'd fall for a D200 but she was so hot, she was all that I wanted
[Chorus] My 1DS mark III felt more complete when we were together she said my shots were so unique
But soon you'll see we could never be like Romeo and Juliette our families disagreed
Ohh Ahh Polish my lens girl oooahh polish my lens girl ohh-ahh polish my lens girl dont leave a thumb print on that lense girl
The two sides always at war all across the message boards Dpchallenge what the fuck yo they could never let go of the hate no thats for 'sho the Nikon gang whooped my ass and made me go
The 70-200 in my pants wouldnt fit inside her Nikon body made me wear a UV-filter, which I'm against, but shes my shawtay Mount her on my tripod and screw her on and off and on again make her take my picture and say I'm the best thats ever been
[Chorus]
Cause I'm a Canon gangsta and your a Nikon shawtay I wanna take a picture of that rockin bootay
We couldnt keep the act up we just had to face the facts but hey look on the bright side at least we're not a Pentax
it's been a quite some times since i last rambling here.. sangat tdak ade mood utk merapu..
it's a school holiday now.. and it's already started with a short visit to sg congkak for a photo-gathering a day before a wonderful holiday trip to bali with my sepang heroes... i'm thinking of start rambling again.. i'll try to spend couple of minutes rambling before signing in my facebook and yahoo messenger... (said "i'll try"... try meant "cuba" ok??..huhuh)
Last week i when for a trip to the wonderful island of Bali with my sepang heroes, Joe, Amin, Arul, Helmi and FadhiL (well fadhil is not exactly a sepang heroes but he can be anything babes.. a barong and hanuman also can..huhu).. it's my 1st time meeting helmi and arul but they're cool... seems like all of us been a close friends for ages although we're only meet up for couple of times..sangat bley masuk kepala... the trip can be categorized as a succesful trip since everyone seems satisfied with the well-plan iteanary...(credit for my aunt who get us the best tourist guide in Bali...i guess..hehe)..
i when to Bali with the intention to have fun.. unlike my sepang heroes... they when there for photo hunt!...so i don't give a damn of getting the best photo i could actually get there.. with one unit of my lovely munchkin, nikon attach to 18-55 f3.5-5.6 and 70-300 f4-5.6 as standby and a unit of canon 1D mk II (a generous someone lend me this unit and i need to explore it in 4 days) attached to 15mm fish eye and 24-70 f2.8 waiting to be use... i produced a rubbish... everyone even mom, b and aunts said that my pix are rubbish... they put a higher expectation on me... but all they see are rubbish... feeling frustrated with myself.. i put away my external harddisk and start grabbing a novel that i haven't finish reading since last year..hahaha.. untill the time i'm writing this article.. i haven't even finish reading one page..haha.. i open up the novel..then close it.. i stare at my external hdd.. thinking of uploading my pix... then i lost interest...i'm browsing my facebook... then i ignoring it... daymnnn i really started to feel the frustration... if only i could turn back time .. i probably gonna capture as much pix i could with my munchkin... my tiny d40x.. feel bad ..really bad.. coz that generous someone lend me his camera and expecting an eye-catching pix from his 1D mk II... all i gave him was a rubbish.. i wasted his shutter released for nothing.. sgt teruk kan?? i even drop his battery pack.. x psal2 cacat battery beliau.. i'm sucks!!~
i hope i could do better in jakarta-bandung this 18-21 dec.. (got a family trip there with mom, aish and uya + aunts and cousins...) i'll try to capture better pix there lor...but............ bandung is a shopping heaven....i wanna go shopping lor....how come?? shopping and photo-hunt can't mix lor..huhu..owh forgot... i suddah sengkek.. cannot go shopping anymore :'( ....
before bandung-jakarta trip there will be a mersing holiday gathering with my ippm bff.. and a klantan - trengganu trip sponsored by my school..(sponsor tambang je pun..yang laen sendri gak...huh).. harap2 smua plan jadik lah.. aiyo.. i need lots of money right now..!!!~ any ideas of getting an instant money??? urgent reply needed!!~ hahaha..
extra note :
today i get a surprise visit from someone.. i thought it's was a joke when he said he's coming to have lunch with me.. so i'm ignoring him.. by the time i'm buying his invitation he's already waiting in front of my house... poor him, he need to wait more than half an hours (i guess) for me to have shower and getting ready..wkakakaka..amaran keras to all my friends.. len kali x yah lah surprise2 kalau xmo menunggu... hahaha.. thanx babes for the lunch..!
p/s: napa aq rasa rapuan aku kali berterabur??? hahaha
i don't give a damn about me being fat as long as i am healthy.. but this kinda question i rarely heard lah..it's kinda funny too..
yesterday my friend got this question from his friend
"Brat tu gemok ke?"
sentap kawan aku dgr soalan dr kawn dia yang x knal aku tu.. is that a polite question to ask about a person who u didn't really know? mcam da xde soalan lain jer nak intro tanya pasal aku...macam tanya org tengahbasuh keta
"tengah watpe tu? basuh keta ke?"
aku yang terang2 gumok ni dia bley tanya size aku? hello.. go do some research lah if u want to know about me.. my pix is everywhere lah dude.. u can see how ugly i am.. how fat i am from my friends uploads.. in fact most of ur friend knew me.. pg lah tgk page diorg..
meh lah sini aku tolong jawab kan..
"YES... BRAT MEMANG GUMOKS.."
"SO WHAT?? ADA MASALAH KE DENGAN SAYA?"
wakakaka lmao
p/s: don't hate me cause a big fat ugly gurl like me makes more friends than u do..atau anda rasa tergugat saya kenal most of ur friend dear?? dude wake up lah.. i'm fat.. i don't give a damn if people want to talk about my size or else behind my back..
i gave away a sincere friendship..terpulang lh kalau maseh ade yang making fun of me.. xde modal nak sembang kot diorg2 tu..wakakakak lmao
x guna berkawan kalau x ikhlas dan bermuka-muka....
from now on untill i recover...(again? which used to take 8 years before) u'll read my crappy mind translated in words..
The theme was "emotional dysfunction".. majoring in "broken hearted days before my birthday".. a perfect gift for an old lady like me huh? hahaha
earlier today i meant to write about something else.. but before i could actually write it, i get a major nerves breakdown due to my silliness... my intention to improve the relation that i'm into.. the gut i get of being honest and straight to the point was misunderstood i guess.. the good part was drown by the bad thing i did to get the prove... haha..and the other side was never want to sit back and discuss it over..
dear.. didn't i'm the one who supposed to get upset more than u do? why did u make this looks like i'm guiltier than u? ...
to be continue... the hand was too shaky to write...have to wipe out the bleed on my heart first i guess...huh..
last friday..sangat buhsan.. i'm supposed to fetch dewi at pontian untill she called me up and cancel the original plan.. then she ring me up again ask me and z to wait for her at batu pahat.. as we changed our way she sent a sms and changed the plan again.. huh.. as we expected... hahaha
feeling frustrated i decided to have a unplanned visit to sawah sagil.. z has nothing to disagree with my suggestion.. she said once we escaped from the house let's make it worth it..wakakaka.. (that's my word actually..huhu)..
i ring ayie up asking permission from him to visit Sawah sagil... FIY Sawah sagil is under his territory...wakakakakaka. as i arrived at the paddy field ayie was no where to be found.. so i decided to visit the old mango tree we used to hang out.. couple of minutes after that ayie came on his bike with his beloved D'nooty.. considering that azam live quite far from sawah sagil i didn't ask him to join us.. as this wasn't a well plan visit.. but ayie didn't think so.. he as azam to came along joining us that evening.. poor azam.. he had to ride couple miles just to accompany me decreasing my shutter release...hahaha i appreciated it though..
and here are some pix of me and z from azam n ayie lens... thanx guys..
after hanging around at Rakan Muda Karnival yesterday ayie, azam and I went to Pantai Perpat Laut for a Tag along with Jas & areteam.. i'm not in the mood of shooting the newly wed couple...
As azam playing around with my d40x + 70-300mm lens and i'm trying to finish up the film in my f55 we have this "i captured you...You captured me' situation... and this is from azam view and ideas.. he ask me to hold the bulb and told me to pose like and old lady as i'm holding the stick in my hand.. i've emailed him several image he wanted and he decided to come out with this one.. see how electromagnetic i am.. i can light up a bulb babes (^_^)/ LOL...wkaakkakak
bila kamera suddah di tangan... mood untuk menembak suddah mari.. aq x pernah amek tau apa yang berlaku di sekeliling.. x pernah nak amek tau people are looking at me and waiting for the perfect moment to candid me.. hahaha
this is what happen when i didn't alert of someone like eshazli while outing with my buddy...hahaha
saying hi to my flickr buddy sang pencinta ratu for the 1st time.. while hanging around with SPR and his friend zahira ...azman n zonedesign, MNJ pointing his lens on us.. as usual my 'tindakan refleks' ..jelir lidah...!!~ wakakakka
group photo for saturday outing.. half of them are already went home.. this is the rest who stay.. thanx all for the fun time.. appreciate the knowledge and friendship gained..
looking forward to be with u guys again...huhu
pic cilok from huda pancit's flickr who cilok from eshazli's page..huhu
